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The Jaguar's Heart 8: Modern Leper

Don’t think I can record this one as audio because I’m not sure I could get through talking about it, so a written post is all I got.

I haven’t talked about it at all, but last year I had a couple of very frightening health episodes involving being masked that made me unable to wear them.

Since then, I have never in my life seen such a constant and visceral demonstration of the cruelty of human beings, and the eagerness with which they default to dehumanizing other people. Never. I had been told all my life by other people, by literature, and by common wisdom that the veneer of civilization is thin and it doesn’t take much scratching to find a monster underneath, but I never knew it in my bones, until I observed how people treat me now.

I don’t go out if I feel even the slightest bit off. I stay away from people—more than six feet. I keep my head lowered. I accept temperature checks and COVID questionnaires without fuss. In short, I do everything short of wearing a mask to respect other people’s needs. I also live in a county where the mask mandate specifically states that medical exemptions must be respected, no one is allowed to ask specifics, and no one is allowed to deny service to anyone based on their inability to wear a mask. I carry a copy of that with me everywhere.

It never matters.

There are times, when someone is yelling at me, that I start to disassociate. The person Othering me comes apart in my vision and the pieces start floating, and all those pieces are yelling at me. The world fragments with them, and I feel l’m in a nightmare where nothing makes sense. It happened to me again, in the eye doctor’s office today, where someone was yelling at me and I was staring at her and trying to understand her, and she was saying that the office had no masks and I would have to go across the street to buy one, and her mouth was moving and I was not present and couldn’t make sense of it. They had taken my temperature when I walked in. They had seemed all right. And now it wasn't all right.

A very nice man in the office took me aside and said he could give me a mask if it would help. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ve been vaccinated for over a month and they still make me wear this. It makes no sense. But I need this job so I do what they say.”

And I looked at him and that didn’t make sense either. And then I went outside and sat on the concrete step and waited until the disassociation faded, and then made a mental note to find a new eye doctor.

I will never forget how quickly I became a non-entity because of something I couldn’t control. I will never forget the vituperation, and the aggression, and the lack of reason or compassion. I am mindful of the fact that even writing this has made my heart accelerate because I have come to expect that people will think I’m lying about not being able to wear a mask… and I am mentally preparing for that to happen. My health doesn’t matter to other people. Only their ideas about my health matter, and I don't get a say. I get that now.

What a long way we’ve come from the courage of Jesus healing lepers. Now it is considered virtuous to abuse people—sick or not—for their human needs. To shame them without understanding their circumstances. And to drive them from public spaces, declare them anathema, and then feel pride at one’s self-righteousness.

I have learned a lot this past year. I don’t think most people will like the lessons I’ve learned. I certainly don’t.

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October 27, 2021
Cursive Practice Video, to Relax

Or at least, I intend it to be relaxing. Hopefully it delivers.
4:22 minutes

Materials:

00:04:27
Overview of the First Oil Paint Experiment

In which I talk about the paper, the paint, and the experience of oils versus gouache. Fun stuff, will do more.

Thank you Locals supporters! Your contribution to my art war chest here is what's powering these experiments and videos. For now I'm keeping them public but I may start doing some subscriber-only videos if you all are interested.💖

00:03:35
Video Review: Oil Painting Papers

My initial review on receipt of the three oil paper products I ordered: the Canson pad, the Rembrandt block, and the Arches single sheets.

00:01:54
November 09, 2021
Alysha Misc

Thanks for your comments yesterday on the business post... all very provocative, in a good way. I'll try to respond to all of them today.

Some Alysha misc now, since I'm gearing up for the results of the Kickstarter!

Petrov is giving away coupon codes for every book in the Alysha series (and has some leftover coupons for Marda and the business book). You can pick those up here (and please do! The books are bought already, someone should use them!) https://twitter.com/PetrovNeutrino/status/1457344535843987461

Our own @JudasComplex sent along a sample of the Faith in the Service audiobook, which I've attached for your delight! I... haven't had a chance to listen to it. Don't ask me about my past week and a half or so. Putting it here will guarantee I get to it.

After hearing the amused comments during the livestream, I went ahead and added all the ship type illustrations I have inked from the 90s to the wiki. Glory in the rampant adorableness of their anthropomorphic stylings! See those ...

Alysha Misc
The Jaguar's Heart 7: We Are Not a Monolith

A little comedy today, at least in the link. Transcript follows.


Hi, all. Welcome to this episode of The Jaguar’s Heart.

A while back I was introduced to a comedy sketch about Cuban coffee by a Mexican comedian, Gabriel Iglesias. ( The sketch begins with him greeting all his fellow Latinos and then backing up to say ‘but we’re all different, aren’t we’ which is a segue into a demonstration of how different Hispanics speak Spanish.

It is hilarious. First, because I am a Spanish speaker and a linguistics hobbyist, and his portrayal of various accents resonated with my experiences in trying to make sense of them myself… Not always easy, since from culture to culture, slang and accent are often totally different (and sometimes grammar! Spaniards use a grammatical construct that has died out in many other Spanish-speaking countries, the plural “you.”)

I also loved it because the Cuban coffee part is real. I grew up with Cubans. I know how we are....

The Jaguar's Heart 7: We Are Not a Monolith
The Jaguar's Heart 6: Hatespeech

One of the most common things I hear (and say) right now is "the asymmetry is the story." Here's one about how none of us are innocent of the sins we hate in others.


Hi, all. Welcome to this week’s episode of The Jaguar’s Heart.

It’s been weeks since the Baen’s Bar incident and I’m still thinking about it... because the longer I do, the more I feel, overwhelmingly, that it’s obvious that the problem is deeper than “this forum was saying stuff that offended us.” We have to back up to the glaring fact that people on opposite sides no longer consider each other human. Nothing I say will matter because the people disagreeing with me don’t think I’m human. They have denied my humanity; they have not bothered to listen to my beliefs, or have fake-listened to them in that way that people do when they’re so ready to prove you wrong that they’re only using your speech to provide talking points for their own ideas.

We have forgotten how to listen.

Increasingly, we have also ...

The Jaguar's Heart 6: Hatespeech
October 16, 2026
Book Launch: Blades and Seeds and Bitter Apples

https://studiomcah.com/products/blades-and-seeds-and-bitter-apples

A duel with paperclips and network cables... a paladin and assassin team... dinosaur aliens swept away by the storms... and more! After almost fifteen years, this collection of Hogarth's earliest and most eclectic fiction returns by reader request; the original four stories have been supplemented by an additional fourteen, ranging in tone from comedy to horror, and in genre from science fiction to literary fantasy. The three existing Jitesse stories are in this volume; so are the only two Tsipia-alien tales, and the single Zalitraeq piece.
An essential for the completionist, these stories illuminate the creative development of a prolific artist in her earliest years. Come meet the blade and taste the bitter apples!

It’s a real delight to hold this one in my hands because it was a reader request. As I talk about at length in the introduction, the original Blades and Bitter Apples was too short to issue as a ...

October 14, 2026
Wednesday Share: Smell of Intelligence Characters

https://mcahogarth.org/gallery/image/72-2002-014-SmellOfIntelligenceCharacters

Yesterday's scan came up with this cool piece of the characters from the story "The Smell of Intelligence" (now available in Clays Upon the Sands, the second Jokka collection volume). From 2002, so this was before the story was in its final form (or possibly even written!) Certainly, I don't recognize the sentiment I jotted down under Duna's portrait.

Other pictures of these characters:

https://mcahogarth.org/gallery/image/loose-2025-0700-Chenji

https://mcahogarth.org/gallery/image/72-2002-079-FathaWebsiteGraphic

I'm definitely missing a handful. Just a sign that I need to keep scanning!

October 07, 2026
Wednesday Share: The Peltedverse Tarot

I found this one in Sketchbook 71, from 2002... which would be before a lot of the canonical books were written, which makes this list of potential Tarot cards with Peltedverse characters on it a fantastic historical artifact. Some of them still work (Alysha as Strength); others are a little less relevant now that the story's been written (Sediryl as the Moon!). But a lot of them are still great (like the Exodus as the Tower, or Margeaux as Death).

Here's the link in case the first one glitches: https://mcahogarth.org/gallery/image/71-2002-082-PeltedTarotList

In 2016, I returned to the idea with a few sketches, which you'll find indexed off this first one of Alysha: https://mcahogarth.org/gallery/image/112-2016-028-TarotAlysha

I'd make a very different list today, I think! What character do you think belongs to which card these days?

October 05, 2026
Quick State of the Jaguar!

I had a lovely birthday! And I'm looking forward to a productive October. I thought I'd catch you up, bullet-point style, on what I'm up to:

  • Tomorrow the Tea vs Coffee (and Galaxy) dragon kickstarter ends! (Last chance!) So I'll be doing coloring sheets and fulfillment for that.

  • Finalized the paperback edition of the re-issue of my fantasy short collection, which I'll have a formal launch for, probably next week.

  • It's been a month, so it's time to edit Kherishdar's Witness! I re-read it yesterday and made two pages of notes of things that need adjustment, but it's much closer to ready than I thought. Early November for that, probably.

  • I have only 31 big sketchbooks left to scan for the gallery! Which is at 9466 images. I'll easily hit that 10K I predicted, and after that it'll be time to start on the small sketchbooks and loose artwork, and continue my annotations.

  • Reminder that the new, winter seasonal gallery code is pinned here for subscribers at the $5+ level. Go collect and apply!

  • Related, I'm back to daily drawing, and am glad to have restored that practice. Thank you, discord members, for your frequent prompts/requests, which I fall back on when I can't think of anything.🧡

  • I'm gearing up to start serializing Coracle 2: Squire Marda here, probably near the end of October. More on that when I'm ready!

I see a lot of you are free subscribers; I hope you'll consider joining the paying patrons! I post weekly (usually 2-3 times a week), which is (I'm told) a lot more than most subscriptions. And it would be a big help to me with all the projects I want to conquer going forward! Including having the money to travel to at least one con a year to meet more of you in person. Even a dollar a month helps and unlocks almost all the paid content, and $5 a month gets you unlimited access to the 9000+ image stardancer gallery. Please consider buying me a cup of coffee if you're not already.

And to all my paying patrons, many of whom have been with me for decades, know that I appreciate you, as always. You are the pillars of the Jaguar tribe.🧡

More to come!

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October 02, 2026
Freebie Short: The Black Hat

To prepare for writing a Western for Raconteur Press's Wyrd West anthology, I vanished into a Louis L'amour black hole and didn't come up for air for about two weeks. I had a grand time, and the result was this short.

Why did I want to write a Western, you ask? Because I wanted to see if I could. I did, and I enjoyed every bit of it!

Also, goodness, it is my birthday! I'm going to go eat ice cream after this. XD

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September 25, 2026
Freebie Short: Hate That Guy

Today's short returns to the Le'enle for a comical urban fantasy published originally in Raconteur Press's Brim to the Dregs anthology. This was a potion-and-brew-themed call, and that made it a perfect fit for the Le'enle who have a special relationship with...

Well, just read on. XD

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