Don’t think I can record this one as audio because I’m not sure I could get through talking about it, so a written post is all I got.
I haven’t talked about it at all, but last year I had a couple of very frightening health episodes involving being masked that made me unable to wear them.
Since then, I have never in my life seen such a constant and visceral demonstration of the cruelty of human beings, and the eagerness with which they default to dehumanizing other people. Never. I had been told all my life by other people, by literature, and by common wisdom that the veneer of civilization is thin and it doesn’t take much scratching to find a monster underneath, but I never knew it in my bones, until I observed how people treat me now.
I don’t go out if I feel even the slightest bit off. I stay away from people—more than six feet. I keep my head lowered. I accept temperature checks and COVID questionnaires without fuss. In short, I do everything short of wearing a mask to respect other people’s needs. I also live in a county where the mask mandate specifically states that medical exemptions must be respected, no one is allowed to ask specifics, and no one is allowed to deny service to anyone based on their inability to wear a mask. I carry a copy of that with me everywhere.
It never matters.
There are times, when someone is yelling at me, that I start to disassociate. The person Othering me comes apart in my vision and the pieces start floating, and all those pieces are yelling at me. The world fragments with them, and I feel l’m in a nightmare where nothing makes sense. It happened to me again, in the eye doctor’s office today, where someone was yelling at me and I was staring at her and trying to understand her, and she was saying that the office had no masks and I would have to go across the street to buy one, and her mouth was moving and I was not present and couldn’t make sense of it. They had taken my temperature when I walked in. They had seemed all right. And now it wasn't all right.
A very nice man in the office took me aside and said he could give me a mask if it would help. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ve been vaccinated for over a month and they still make me wear this. It makes no sense. But I need this job so I do what they say.”
And I looked at him and that didn’t make sense either. And then I went outside and sat on the concrete step and waited until the disassociation faded, and then made a mental note to find a new eye doctor.
I will never forget how quickly I became a non-entity because of something I couldn’t control. I will never forget the vituperation, and the aggression, and the lack of reason or compassion. I am mindful of the fact that even writing this has made my heart accelerate because I have come to expect that people will think I’m lying about not being able to wear a mask… and I am mentally preparing for that to happen. My health doesn’t matter to other people. Only their ideas about my health matter, and I don't get a say. I get that now.
What a long way we’ve come from the courage of Jesus healing lepers. Now it is considered virtuous to abuse people—sick or not—for their human needs. To shame them without understanding their circumstances. And to drive them from public spaces, declare them anathema, and then feel pride at one’s self-righteousness.
I have learned a lot this past year. I don’t think most people will like the lessons I’ve learned. I certainly don’t.
Or at least, I intend it to be relaxing. Hopefully it delivers.
4:22 minutes
Materials:
- Pen: Moonman Starry Glass dip pen, Mars: https://www.jetpens.com/Moonman-Starry-Sky-Glass-Dip-Pen-Mars/pd/31536
- Paper: Strathmore Writing Series 500, lined: https://www.jetpens.com/Strathmore-500-Series-Writing-Pad-8.5-x-11-Lined-50-Sheets/pd/15322
- Ink: Robert Oster, Rose Gilt Tynte: https://www.jetpens.com/Robert-Oster-Rose-Gilt-Tynte-Fountain-Pen-Ink-Shake-N-Shimmy-50-ml-Bottle/pd/25170
In which I talk about the paper, the paint, and the experience of oils versus gouache. Fun stuff, will do more.
Thank you Locals supporters! Your contribution to my art war chest here is what's powering these experiments and videos. For now I'm keeping them public but I may start doing some subscriber-only videos if you all are interested.💖
Thanks for your comments yesterday on the business post... all very provocative, in a good way. I'll try to respond to all of them today.
Some Alysha misc now, since I'm gearing up for the results of the Kickstarter!
Petrov is giving away coupon codes for every book in the Alysha series (and has some leftover coupons for Marda and the business book). You can pick those up here (and please do! The books are bought already, someone should use them!) https://twitter.com/PetrovNeutrino/status/1457344535843987461
Our own @JudasComplex sent along a sample of the Faith in the Service audiobook, which I've attached for your delight! I... haven't had a chance to listen to it. Don't ask me about my past week and a half or so. Putting it here will guarantee I get to it.
After hearing the amused comments during the livestream, I went ahead and added all the ship type illustrations I have inked from the 90s to the wiki. Glory in the rampant adorableness of their anthropomorphic stylings! See those ...
A little comedy today, at least in the link. Transcript follows.
Hi, all. Welcome to this episode of The Jaguar’s Heart.
A while back I was introduced to a comedy sketch about Cuban coffee by a Mexican comedian, Gabriel Iglesias. ( The sketch begins with him greeting all his fellow Latinos and then backing up to say ‘but we’re all different, aren’t we’ which is a segue into a demonstration of how different Hispanics speak Spanish.
It is hilarious. First, because I am a Spanish speaker and a linguistics hobbyist, and his portrayal of various accents resonated with my experiences in trying to make sense of them myself… Not always easy, since from culture to culture, slang and accent are often totally different (and sometimes grammar! Spaniards use a grammatical construct that has died out in many other Spanish-speaking countries, the plural “you.”)
I also loved it because the Cuban coffee part is real. I grew up with Cubans. I know how we are....
One of the most common things I hear (and say) right now is "the asymmetry is the story." Here's one about how none of us are innocent of the sins we hate in others.
Hi, all. Welcome to this week’s episode of The Jaguar’s Heart.
It’s been weeks since the Baen’s Bar incident and I’m still thinking about it... because the longer I do, the more I feel, overwhelmingly, that it’s obvious that the problem is deeper than “this forum was saying stuff that offended us.” We have to back up to the glaring fact that people on opposite sides no longer consider each other human. Nothing I say will matter because the people disagreeing with me don’t think I’m human. They have denied my humanity; they have not bothered to listen to my beliefs, or have fake-listened to them in that way that people do when they’re so ready to prove you wrong that they’re only using your speech to provide talking points for their own ideas.
We have forgotten how to listen.
Increasingly, we have also ...
We’re just about at the midpoint of 2025, so I thought today would be a good day to do a Jaguar check-in! What a weird year it’s been. Very busy, family-wise, with lots of both good and challenging changes; I am using up a lot of time on that, but how is that news? You know how it goes.
My current major project is finishing up the second Jokka collection and mailing all the Kickstarter prizes. That should be wrapped up next month sometime, when we start the Red Honey serialization. I tell you, it’s a wild to be scanning old sketchbooks, only to find sketches of the Red Honey characters from the 2000s! This story has been on the backburner a long time! I also unearthed a lot of sketches from the development of the jokka.org website, which I used the wayback machine to archive (as much as possible). I’m thinking of restoring some amount of it to my current website, which is my other major project right now: my website. I feel like ...
I want to do these badge designs for things like shirts, acrylic pins, and the quiz! What design do you like? There are four "head and bust" styles and two "full body" styles.
As you all know (she says), we’ve reached the end of our last serial, Live, Love, Level, and I’ve been dragging my heels about what to do next… mostly because it’s hard for me to write more than one story at a time and if a serial goes on long enough, I’ll inevitably be working on another project. But I had a brainstorm when the Kickstarter got us every stretch goal except the Red Honey novella, which some of you have been waiting for, for decades. That story’s already 5000 words toward an expected 1,5000 (I know, I know) and the Kickstarter has definitively proved that the Jokka still have fans who want more stories.
SO! Our next serial will be Red Honey, the story of how the Jokka moved out of the nomadic age into the age of settlements. Some of you might remember the seeds of that evolution in Kediil’s second adventure, “New Stories.” And Roika and Keshul talked briefly about the first Jokku settlement during Pearl, hinting that there was some drama involved. Well, there is, ...
KICKSTARTER KICKSTARTER GO GO GO
The Jokka kickstarter launches Thursday! And runs for 12 days, so if you want any of the original art (or one of the few “get yourself drawn as one of the Jokka” slots), go sign up to be notified of launch!
ON THE HORIZON: A LOT MORE ART
Scott Adams is fond of saying that you either want something, or you decide. That if you’re in the ‘I want’ phase, you don’t actually take steps; things only start happening when you have decided they’re going to happen. And I, ariisen, have finally decided I’m sick of not scanning and archiving my sketchbooks and turning them into stuff you can enjoy, like art books and prints and wiki images! I’ve already done Sketchbooks 1-10, and I’ve made a start on the next set of ten.
My plan is to run a Kickstarter for the first art book in a month or two (so if you’re a fan of my art more than my writing, your campaign is coming!) and use that as the proof-of-concept for the process for the remaining 200 or so… see where the issues are, streamline where I can, order proofs of the art book and decide what paper I like and what kinds of covers are economically feasible. I’ve timed myself and it takes about two hours to scan one sketchbook, if I stand there and do nothing but turn pages. I don’t think I can make that part go by faster, but I might be able to do something about the post-processing phase. Let the experimentation begin!
While I’m doing that, I’ll be posting some of the scans here! These posts will be separate from Back in Time Tuesday, which is for finished artwork dug out of the closet from whatever time period I feel like sharing. This means the Patreon will be getting EVEN MORE ART.
I’m debating right now whether the art sharing will be my “serial” until I’m ready to serialize new fiction. Someone also suggested writing wiki/worldbuilding entries as serial content, which might be fun. But I’m still only wanting to do those things—I definitely haven’t decided. Until then, there definitely will be an art explosion. I’ve montaged some things up there as demonstration of what you have to look forward to!
If you are a lurker, now’s a good time to decide whether you want to subscribe to contribute to my coffee fund. I do, in fact, literally drink a cup of coffee while trapped in my laundry room, turning pages and leaning on the drier! Or if you’re a paying subscriber, consider buying me a monthly coffee if you’re currently in the ‘tossing the jaguar a buck’ club. My coffee capsules are closer to $2 after shipping. XD
We’re all overloaded and looking for moments of beauty and cheer and inspiration in our days. A lot of this older artwork is silly, or delightful, or cartoonical, and I think it might be just what we need.
Seriously, check out happy bee guy there. What even was that. Lol.😂
Anyway, I'm doing the things! Jokka! Art! Fun! Forth!
