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The Jaguar's Heart 4: State of the Jaguar March 2021

Update about art/writing stuff... sorry if I sound a little hoarse, it's allergy season. Here's the transcript:


Hi, y’all. Something different this week, but important, because I feel I owe my patrons and long-time supporters some insight into the inside of this artist’s head. It’s been about two months since I committed to reforming my career, and about one since I embarked on the primary vehicle for that reform (the audio rambles here on Locals), and I’ve produced three of those and written scripts for another two, so I feel like I’m slowly finding my way into a groove.

Is it helping? That part, I don’t know.

There’s a lot of stuff that appalls me right now. The news is full of symptoms of a disease I feel people are missing because they’re too busy debating the details, and how the details (alone and taken out of context) aren’t as alarming as alarmists are making them look. Maybe it’s because I have relatives who were victims of a real revolution, and who are connected with a community that’s seen several more such revolutions… but I keep seeing past the surface into the driving forces and they are malevolent and familiar.

When people who have witnessed true and terrible revolutions tell you: ‘we have seen this before’… it’s a good idea to listen.

So my headspace isn’t any less apocalyptic than it was months ago when I started tracking deplatformings in my private database. And I don’t feel creative, or hopeful, because I don’t see that what I’ve made has created a world that will accept me, when a lot of what I write is an attempt to demonstrate that hope and love are possible, important. When I say that people inevitably tell me it’s hubris to believe you can change the world, but I don’t want to change the entire world. I want to change my, local world, the communities I interact with, the industry I was a part of. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want, and to believe that, you can make a difference in the places you inhabit.

But that didn’t happen. Even when I pointed out, over and over, that what was happening was bad. Having that flung back in my face for decades, and then topped off with having the same poisons invade society at large, has not made me feel like my art is worthwhile. And to be honest, there’s a lot of anger and resentment that I don’t know how to deal with simmering around that… because it’s hard not to think ‘why did you allow this to happen? Why do you consume my art, but not protect the artist?’

I am not saying, to be clear, that these feelings are fair. The only reason I bring any of this up is because it’s part of the mess keeping me from working. I know it’s my problem to resolve, and I don’t know how to work on it but I’m guessing time? Maybe time will help? Hopefully?

On a personal level, I have never quite faced a challenge like this, and there have been some super dark parts of my life.

Having said that, something is slowly hauling itself out of the muck and that’s my sense of duty. I can’t abandon my work on a practical/moral level because dropping all responsibility for our family’s income on my husband’s shoulders is wrong. And I can’t abandon my work on a spiritual/moral level because if you believe, as I do, that we were all sent to Earth with divine gifts, and are charged with using those gifts to help our fellow humans on their journey, then those gifts are not yours to withhold. God is patient, and I’m sure He’s willing to wait out any distress that might be holding me back… but at the same time, I shouldn’t use that patience as an excuse to evade my duties.

I have duties. I believe in them. And duty saves you, sometimes, when you run out of everything else that keeps you going. So, even though I feel dead inside, I am making myself work, no matter how rote or mechanical the process. I’m sure everything I’m producing is garbage. But I’m producing it anyway, because I don’t trust my perception of anything at this point, and it’s entirely possible that it only looks like garbage to me and other people will think it’s fine. Besides, if it really is garbage it can be recycled.

Since I have no interest or inspiration for anything, I have returned to my schedule until I discover a desire to do anything else. At the beginning of February I hammered out an outline for the last Fallowtide book I need to finish before I can move on to Surela’s trilogy, which was what was on my list. It’s the most complete outline for anything I’ve ever written, because I know I can’t rely on excitement to keep me going… and without that, the best way to prevent myself from coasting to a halt is to always know what I’m supposed to write next. Using that outline, I’ve managed to get 17% of the estimated total done. It’s going to be a big book, but if I keep trudging at this pace I should have it done before summer.

After that, I will probably begin my trudge through the remainder of Zafiil, unless something else comes up.

The most likely thing that might is Kherishdar—that will fail to surprise those of you regulars, because Kherishdar is where I put a lot of my grief. I have an outline for Kherishdar 5 now, and I’m sitting on it because it is so sad that I can’t really see past the sadness to be sure it’s a good story. (I should probably get someone to listen to a synopsis and tell me if it sounds compelling or if I’m just using it as self-inflicted therapy.)

Historically speaking, the last Kherishdar novel was also inspired by my grief at exactly the same thing I’m witnessing now: the breakdown of civility in society, and yes, it was four years ago during the last election cycle that it started pushing at me. So it’s very likely there will be another Kherishdar novel, it’s just a matter of when I feel I can start it. That’s why I have pulled out the old language notebooks and am trying, slowly, to remember that headspace.

Art-wise… I don’t know. I have managed a few sketches since November, but the stop-up is real. But I am letting that be for a while, particularly since I am once again moving studios, a process I’m not sure will be done before May or June. That’s probably around when livestreaming will become possible again. If by then I’m not feeling the art… that’s when I’ll decide it’s a problem.

My plans for this year make it clear that I’m going to have to tighten my belt, because unless something weird happens I’m well on my way to cratering my income. (The switch from Patreon has been bad for that, as I expected, and royalties are down noticably.) But every freelancing career has up years and down years, and you just have to power through the down years.

That’s where I am, then. You don’t want to see the inside of my head, and I’m not entirely sure anything I’m writing isn’t a hot mess that will fail to resonate with people because it’s obvious my heart is out to lunch. But I am trying to work through it anyway, Because Duty.

Hopefully in another few months, things will be… different. I won’t say better because who knows. But different. And thank you all, for sticking with me through it. Several of you have sent me personal notes that have been incredibly supportive, and I haven’t answered them yet but they made and make a difference. I appreciate all of you, your thoughtful discussions, and your commitment to civility and true diversity, always. Y'all are awesome.

Jaguar out.

The Jaguar's Heart 4: State of the Jaguar March 2021
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October 27, 2021
Cursive Practice Video, to Relax

Or at least, I intend it to be relaxing. Hopefully it delivers.
4:22 minutes

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Overview of the First Oil Paint Experiment

In which I talk about the paper, the paint, and the experience of oils versus gouache. Fun stuff, will do more.

Thank you Locals supporters! Your contribution to my art war chest here is what's powering these experiments and videos. For now I'm keeping them public but I may start doing some subscriber-only videos if you all are interested.💖

00:03:35
Video Review: Oil Painting Papers

My initial review on receipt of the three oil paper products I ordered: the Canson pad, the Rembrandt block, and the Arches single sheets.

00:01:54
November 09, 2021
Alysha Misc

Thanks for your comments yesterday on the business post... all very provocative, in a good way. I'll try to respond to all of them today.

Some Alysha misc now, since I'm gearing up for the results of the Kickstarter!

Petrov is giving away coupon codes for every book in the Alysha series (and has some leftover coupons for Marda and the business book). You can pick those up here (and please do! The books are bought already, someone should use them!) https://twitter.com/PetrovNeutrino/status/1457344535843987461

Our own @JudasComplex sent along a sample of the Faith in the Service audiobook, which I've attached for your delight! I... haven't had a chance to listen to it. Don't ask me about my past week and a half or so. Putting it here will guarantee I get to it.

After hearing the amused comments during the livestream, I went ahead and added all the ship type illustrations I have inked from the 90s to the wiki. Glory in the rampant adorableness of their anthropomorphic stylings! See those ...

Alysha Misc
The Jaguar's Heart 7: We Are Not a Monolith

A little comedy today, at least in the link. Transcript follows.


Hi, all. Welcome to this episode of The Jaguar’s Heart.

A while back I was introduced to a comedy sketch about Cuban coffee by a Mexican comedian, Gabriel Iglesias. ( The sketch begins with him greeting all his fellow Latinos and then backing up to say ‘but we’re all different, aren’t we’ which is a segue into a demonstration of how different Hispanics speak Spanish.

It is hilarious. First, because I am a Spanish speaker and a linguistics hobbyist, and his portrayal of various accents resonated with my experiences in trying to make sense of them myself… Not always easy, since from culture to culture, slang and accent are often totally different (and sometimes grammar! Spaniards use a grammatical construct that has died out in many other Spanish-speaking countries, the plural “you.”)

I also loved it because the Cuban coffee part is real. I grew up with Cubans. I know how we are....

The Jaguar's Heart 7: We Are Not a Monolith
The Jaguar's Heart 6: Hatespeech

One of the most common things I hear (and say) right now is "the asymmetry is the story." Here's one about how none of us are innocent of the sins we hate in others.


Hi, all. Welcome to this week’s episode of The Jaguar’s Heart.

It’s been weeks since the Baen’s Bar incident and I’m still thinking about it... because the longer I do, the more I feel, overwhelmingly, that it’s obvious that the problem is deeper than “this forum was saying stuff that offended us.” We have to back up to the glaring fact that people on opposite sides no longer consider each other human. Nothing I say will matter because the people disagreeing with me don’t think I’m human. They have denied my humanity; they have not bothered to listen to my beliefs, or have fake-listened to them in that way that people do when they’re so ready to prove you wrong that they’re only using your speech to provide talking points for their own ideas.

We have forgotten how to listen.

Increasingly, we have also ...

The Jaguar's Heart 6: Hatespeech
December 23, 2025
Back in Time Tuesday: Theme

I found this holiday sketch from 2015 while looking for something else, and thought... well, yes. :)

Merry Christmas and happy holidays, all! I hope the spirit of the season is healing your hearts and raising your chins to face a fresh year, coming to all of us soon like a gift. I appreciate you all!

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November 13, 2025
Working Jaguar

This is just a random post! First to say:THANK YOU!

Since my Jaguar Calls for Aid post, I’ve had 8 new members subscribe and 9 people upgrade their memberships. I am so grateful! I can’t wait to send out all the stickers… we’ve still got another week or so before that offer expires. I hope more people jump on it, I love sending mail!

Anyway, I’m re-reading and making notes for Surela 3 because apparently, having finished off Red Honey in draft, I want to get something else moving before the end of the year and I’m excited about getting Surela to the end of her redemption story. Thank you to everyone who’s contributed to the Pelted wiki! I’m using it a lot. (Haven’t seen it? Want to help? Check it out: https://peltedverse.org/wiki/Main_Page)

I kind of want to make a Surela essential oil blend. I wonder what it would consist of? What smells would remind you of her?

I’m also continuing on the game work. I code until I run out of Claude tokens, flip to Grok until I get ...

post photo preview
October 20, 2025
25 Years of Publishing - Jaguar Thoughts

There are a lot of things on my mind lately, and this year particularly because this month I hit a milestone birthday (what I call the decade birthdays!), and it’s been 25 years since my first professional fiction sale. To date, in that 25-year-span, I’ve published 71 books for adults, 3 for children, and 7 coloring books. I feel like this is a great start to a career, particularly given that some people don’t start publishing their first books until they’re closer to my current age!

So I’m satisfied that I’ve created a significant body of work. I’ve got the Peltedverse arc to wrap up, and some other projects I’d like to get back to, but I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished and there are enough finished series in that I don’t feel like I’m sitting on a giant mass of unfinished projects.

Which brings me to my birthday and my reflection on the industry and social trends. Every year since the indie revolution hit has brought some version of doom about discovery and organic reach and ...

December 10, 2025
The Jaguar Reads an AI-Written Book

Over the weekend, I read a book that I’m 95% sure was AI-written. I’ve listened to people talk about how it’s done: you brainstorm characters and a plot with AI, prompt it for an outline, adjust the outline, prompt it to create character and setting guides… attach all that to your project, then tell it to write the first chapter. You adjust the chapter, add it to the project, then tell it to write the second, etc, until you get to the end. Then you tidy the whole thing and publish. The "rapid release" people either love this (because you can release a book in a day or two and do it again immediately) or hate it (because they can't keep up with people using this strategy with unaugmented human brains). But it's clearly a thing that's happening, and few people who do it are admitting it.

Reasons I thought this book was AI:

  • Every chapter ends with a weird wrap-up style: “Main Character had accomplished XY and Z. Tomorrow, he’d have to tackle AB and C. But for today: job well done.” And I do mean every chapter. At first I thought ‘maybe the author’s serializing this and needs to remind readers about what just happened” but when it’s doing overviews of what happens in the chapter at the end, it’s weird.

  • All the places give you a “movie set” feeling of being wooden facades. Like… ‘there’s a baker. He makes bread.’ Nothing else. Only bread is mentioned. Not even the kind of bread. There’s a weird lack of specificity to everything. The baker always has a ‘basket of bread’. Or occasionally, a basket of pastries. (No word on what kind.) Likewise, there is a blacksmith. We know he can make hammers, because the apprentice made one. But that’s it. No idea what else the blacksmith does for the town.

  • Then there’s suddenly spates of specificity. “I have these exotic spices that sound like a list generated for game inventory.” These specific things are never mentioned again.

  • The technobabble sounds like stuff Claude gives me as placeholders. “Mana structure efficiency at 45%. Suboptimal but holding.”

  • Similarly there are some odd verbal tics that repeat throughout the text, and they are suspiciously clever ones, like analogies that rely on an abstract and a concrete noun: “It tasted of cinnamon and regret.” “The tavern smelled of old ale and worry.” Even the title uses this phrasing. Authors can have verbal tics, of course, but I associate a lot of these with AI.

  • The supporting characters do the exact same things, as if they’re programmed NPCs. Celebrating an achievement? ‘We go to this exact same tavern, every time.’  Checking up on the main character? “You need food and rest.” (I can’t count the number of times this character suggested everyone have food and rest, in exactly those words. No variation.)

  • This one is hard to describe, but the characters have believable backstories that suggest depth, but these backstories do not inform how they interact with other characters. The nemesis becomes the protagonist’s friend based on a single interaction, and this backstory, while mentioned in subsequent chapters, causes no friction, for instance. It’s as if every character was created in isolation and the author can’t figure out how to make them combine.

Could this all be the work of an inexperienced author? Sure. But that tells me that we have trained AI to work off story templates that inexperienced authors also rely on. If you have decades of “write to market” advice that treat books as widgets with “story beats” and “character arcs” that can be abstracted into formulas, you shouldn’t be surprised when books start to sound alike. They already were, prior to AI, it’s just that AI makes creating them faster.

Did people like the AI-generated book? Well, it has over a hundred reviews and a 4.5 star average rating, and even on Goodreads, it's doing well, so the answer is: “Yes, it’s good enough.” Did the author confess to AI-writing it? No. Maybe he didn’t! But my guess is that he did.

Do I care about this? Not really. I didn’t enjoy reading it because it gave me the same feeling social media scrolling does, that I’ve eaten empty calorie food that’s programming my brain to repeat basic and uncreative patterns. But humans have always riffed off bad things to make better things and I can totally see someone using AI to generate a draft like this, and then completely overhauling it into something enjoyable.

I don’t write like this because I’m weird. I am constitutionally incapable of the ‘write to market’ formulaic approach (which is why I’m not on a yacht sailing to my property on the Riviera). Even my attempts at romance and litrpg novels veer off into directions that make them too odd (yes, I managed to make both these genres unprofitable). But I’m one of those capital-A artists that indies like to sneer at, and I’m happy that way. I can’t even do that right: I’m an Arteeste who doesn’t care if you’re using AI!

My audience was always going to be the weirdos who want to learn my conlangs and vanish into alien cultures so completely they leave no traces. That's you all! You're awesome.

But yeah, AI-written books. You might have already read one and not realized it. The name of this one, if you want to check it out, is below, and yes I paywalled it because I don't want to bother with drama.

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December 05, 2025
Friday Update: Me, My Robot Army, and Long Career Thoughts

Red Honey has wrapped up! I’m not sure what I’m going to serialize next, but I figured I’d take a breather for the rest of the year since there’s so little of it left. We’ll continue to have Back-in-Time Tuesdays every week, but Fridays will be a hodgepodge of whatever’s on my mind. And what’s on my mind today is the Jokka game, which my Discord crowd has convinced me to just call JOKKA! (I think with exclamation point. With exclamation point, right, you all?)

I think I last seriously wrote about this around my birthday so it’s been almost two months. A lot happens in two months when you’re directing AI to code for you.

The foremost thing I’ve learned is that I am perfectly positioned to take advantage of AI for coding, because I have these things going for me:

  • I used to write technical documentation for software

  • I can do project management

  • I can draw

  • I can write and have written many novels' worth of material for background

  • I have done some light coding work

  • I like gaming and have played many games mindfully, noting what I hate and what I enjoy

But the number one thing that makes this easy for me is:

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November 28, 2025
Red Honey 20 (the end, or the beginning)
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