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The Jaguar's Heart 3: Tough Love Nun

In which I remember Sister Mary fondly. (Public, so share if you wish.) Transcript below.


Hi, all. Welcome to this episode of The Jaguar’s Heart.

Today I’d like to talk about compassion, because it’s the number one thing that comes up when people express surprise over my beliefs. My books are filled with compassion, they say, which makes it startling that I am a professed conservative. Because, I’m told, conservatives “are stereotyped as leaning into their callousness.”

I wish you could see my expression when this comes up. Or maybe I’m glad you can’t. I don’t enjoy hurting people’s feelings, and “wow, that thing you just said is awfully bigoted” isn’t something I like revealing to people I think are well-meaning. But it’s honestly as exhausting as ‘all Hispanics are lazy’ or ‘all women are histrionic.’ Ugh.

But let me talk about compassion, and “callousness.”

If you were lucky enough to have two good parents, one of them probably kissed your knee when you scraped it… and the other one told you “if you hadn’t done that stupid thing, you wouldn’t have scraped your knee.” It’s the same dynamic that makes it necessary, for the sake of balance and best outcomes, to have someone comforting you about stuff that’s bothering you, and someone else helping you with ideas when you’re ready to solve it. Too much comfort is enabling in a bad way; too much problem-solving can be brutalizing, particularly if you’re not ready to hear it. But you need both.

One of the challenges of being a parent was figuring out how many walls I wanted to stand back and let my kid run into. My instinct was to protect her from everything: it’s the worst thing in the universe, seeing your children unhappy, and having to sit still while it happens is so, so bad. I can’t even describe it. But I also knew that to grow up healthy, she needed to get hurt and recover from being hurt, because that’s the only way to demonstrate to a new human being their own resilience. And, for maximum health, I had to let my kid discover that some things can’t be overcome or changed just because she wanted them to be different, and that this wasn’t the end of the world.

This is on my mind, somewhat, because I recently went back to my high school alma mater for various reasons… and one of the people still working there is my former guidance counselor, a no-nonsense nun who was high on the “solving problems” end of the scale and low on the “giving comfort” side. When I hit senior year and we started having discussions about college, I went to her for the requisite session about what I wanted to study. I told her, proudly, that I was going to go for a degree in aerospace engineering.

“Maggie,” she said. “That’s stupid. You’re not an aerospace engineer. You’re never going to be one. You didn’t even decide to take a fourth year of math because you hate math. Why don’t you pick something you’ll actually be good at?”

Well, you can imagine my outrage. I loved science fiction, I felt passionate about humanity’s future in space, and my dad was an engineer and by God Almighty, I was going to be an engineer! And… I left high school, went into college, and failed calculus twice, and the second time, when I dropped out mid-semester, I thought, “Okay, so maybe I hate math and I’m bored by engineering and this probably isn’t the greatest idea.” I switched majors from engineering to art, and went on to get my degree, and now I am a career artist/writer and from this distance I can see that Sister Mary’s ‘callousness’ wasn’t intended to hurt my feelings. She was trying to save me the grief and wasted time she could see coming my way like a freight train. (And the financial hit too, because I went to college on a scholarship that required me to maintain a 3.0 grade average, and the consistently poor grades I was earning in my engineering classes were threatening my ability to keep that scholarship.)

Now, maybe there’s some alternate universe where her rough advice inspired me to work twice as hard, and I became that engineer. That’s still not an indictment of her advice, because at the time, she was correct: I wasn’t invested in that path, scholastically, and it was patent from my behavior and my grades. The only way I could have succeeded was by making an enormous change to my behavior, and committing myself in a way I wasn’t committed when I went to her. Either way, her advice was necessary: either as a wake-up call that I had to do better, or as an observation that I needed to pursue something I actually cared about.

Is it callous to warn people that reality isn’t going to compromise with them? I don’t think so. It hurts to hear, and God it hurts to say it. It’s painful to let people run into the wall because you know they won’t listen to anything but experience. It’s awful to watch people suffer unnecessary pain, and it hurts to make them feel bad to prevent it. But not all the compassion in the world will change human nature, and it won’t change reality, and it’s not kind to pretend otherwise.

Was it callous for Sister Mary to tell me to re-evaluate my choices? On the contrary. I think she gave me that advice because she cared about me and didn’t want me to suffer. Her other choice—to tell me ‘oh, that’s great, go for it!’ would have been the cowardly route. It would have made her feel better, at the cost of me not hearing something that might have saved me from suffering. That I didn’t want to listen to her advice wasn’t on her: it just meant that in this case, I had to learn from experience that I was wrong.

But at least she tried to help. It didn’t sound like help back then. But looking back on it now, it’s plain to me that she had my best interests at heart.

Compassion, then, isn’t always a kiss on the knee. Sometimes, it’s pointing out that you shouldn’t have done the thing that got your knee scraped. Sometimes, it’s telling people ‘that thing you think will make you happy… won’t.’ And this… this is the defining characteristic of conservative compassion. The “callousness” we’re accused of isn’t callousness. It’s “this won’t work, no matter how much we wish it will.” It’s “this will cause more suffering than it alleviates.” It’s “we agree that this is a terrible thing, but we don’t think any of the ways you believe it could be solved… will solve it.” To mistake that for callousness is incredibly unkind.

Some of you will think ‘yes, but some people really are awful,’ and I agree. But that’s not a conservative failing. It's a human failing. And many terrible people have disguised their cruelty as compassion so they could exercise it at will, shielded by the defense that they care.

Me, I much prefer to comfort people who are having a hard time. But I also don’t believe in protecting them from reality… because telling someone that things will work out when all evidence makes it clear that it won’t… isn’t my definition of kindness. No matter how it sounds to the person receiving it, warning them that something’s not going to work isn’t meant to hurt them. It’s meant to save them from further pain. I know that’s hard to hear when you’re unhappy. But that doesn’t make it untrue.

I feel concrete examples are useful, so I’ll bring one up. I am skeptical of universal healthcare. I have never yet heard a universal healthcare plan advanced that I felt would work in America, with its specific laws and geography. I didn’t think the Affordable Care Act was a good idea. When I said so to a friend, though, she asked me if I wanted her elderly mother to die. I said, “Of course I don’t want your elderly mother to die,” but she insisted on bringing the conversation back to that point (which, I’m sorry to have to say, is a form of emotional hostage taking; if it’s subconscious, then all right, but that doesn’t change that it’s not a rhetorical strategy used by people who want to have a rational discussion). My instinct—to say ‘this is impractical’—should not inspire accusations of cruelty. It should inspire questions that will help us find a good answer. “Why do you think that?” “What do you think might become a problem?” “How do you think we could solve it?” are essential questions, and using them to brainstorm solutions brings us to something that might work. But you can’t get to ‘might work’ by ignoring people who say ‘this doesn’t look like it will work, for these reasons.’

The Affordable Care Act did pass, and I believe that friend’s elderly mother is insured. I have four friends with families, with small children, who lost their health insurance because of that act, though… and I myself got my hours cut at my job because allowing me to work over thirty would have triggered their legal responsibility to give me health insurance. Even though I didn’t need or want it, they had to, so they thought it would be best just not to employ me for 30+ hours.

I have not gone back to that friend and said, “Did you want my friends to lose their health insurance? Do you want them to die?” Maybe I should have.

This, then, is one of my philosophical touchstones. No matter how good some things would be, in theory, I can’t look away from the fact that, in practice, a lot of good things don’t work. There’s a reason they say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

People have asked where the “secret signs” of conservatism are in my books, because they can’t see them. So here’s my clue for you today. Look for the places where things can’t be changed, and how characters react to that… and recognize how often compassion is something we extend while understanding that sometimes, you can’t have the things you want, exactly the way you want them. That empathy is often deepest when facing that tragedy. This is a rich mine for stories, because the conflict between what we want and what’s possible is a human constant, and as someone who both loves people and knows that some things can’t be changed, I am always finding new themes to explore in that space… new stories that teach me how to accept and adapt to circumstances to find the best path forward, which is not always the path I thought I wanted, and new stories that help me try new ways to extend that compassion to people, without lying to them about the obstacles they face.

Compassion is a virtue that belongs to us all. Thank His name.

Anyway, that’s all I got. Thanks for listening to this bleeding heart. Jaguar out.

The Jaguar's Heart 3: Tough Love Nun
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Thanks for your comments yesterday on the business post... all very provocative, in a good way. I'll try to respond to all of them today.

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After hearing the amused comments during the livestream, I went ahead and added all the ship type illustrations I have inked from the 90s to the wiki. Glory in the rampant adorableness of their anthropomorphic stylings! See those ...

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The Jaguar's Heart 7: We Are Not a Monolith

A little comedy today, at least in the link. Transcript follows.


Hi, all. Welcome to this episode of The Jaguar’s Heart.

A while back I was introduced to a comedy sketch about Cuban coffee by a Mexican comedian, Gabriel Iglesias. ( The sketch begins with him greeting all his fellow Latinos and then backing up to say ‘but we’re all different, aren’t we’ which is a segue into a demonstration of how different Hispanics speak Spanish.

It is hilarious. First, because I am a Spanish speaker and a linguistics hobbyist, and his portrayal of various accents resonated with my experiences in trying to make sense of them myself… Not always easy, since from culture to culture, slang and accent are often totally different (and sometimes grammar! Spaniards use a grammatical construct that has died out in many other Spanish-speaking countries, the plural “you.”)

I also loved it because the Cuban coffee part is real. I grew up with Cubans. I know how we are....

The Jaguar's Heart 7: We Are Not a Monolith
The Jaguar's Heart 6: Hatespeech

One of the most common things I hear (and say) right now is "the asymmetry is the story." Here's one about how none of us are innocent of the sins we hate in others.


Hi, all. Welcome to this week’s episode of The Jaguar’s Heart.

It’s been weeks since the Baen’s Bar incident and I’m still thinking about it... because the longer I do, the more I feel, overwhelmingly, that it’s obvious that the problem is deeper than “this forum was saying stuff that offended us.” We have to back up to the glaring fact that people on opposite sides no longer consider each other human. Nothing I say will matter because the people disagreeing with me don’t think I’m human. They have denied my humanity; they have not bothered to listen to my beliefs, or have fake-listened to them in that way that people do when they’re so ready to prove you wrong that they’re only using your speech to provide talking points for their own ideas.

We have forgotten how to listen.

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The Jaguar's Heart 6: Hatespeech
Back in Time Tuesday: Manta Yay and Kickstarter!

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https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/mcahogarth/the-crane-mafia-wants-you-to-buy-their-sticker?ref=9u659y

Second of all... today's 2011 watercolor painting is of one of my favorite sea creatures, the ray. And I picked it because the original is available via the Kickstarter.

Honestly sometimes you just want to draw something fun, and this was one of those times.

post photo preview
Meta-Conversation: Eyes Like The Sea

For the recent questions about plumbing, sanitation, and maintenance, I think that the right person to approach is ij Elidzin, the Regal who’s been the most forthcoming with us in former meta-conversations. So I go outside on a bright but brassy afternoon to await him, peering up at the sky where the gusts are pushing and tearing puffs of clouds and whispering of tropical disturbances. It’s warm and moist, but the wind is bracing.

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https://mcahogarth.org/gallery/image/144-2026-07-TheFirstQenain

I picked this one out of the 3182 online because it's recent! Like "I drew this a few days ago" recent! It's really exciting to be using the gallery as a way to share things I'm working on now as well as things I've made in the past. Several people have favorited this one or hit the "finish this!" button so I am now contemplating that seriously!

Every other day I'm adding new art. Either old art I'm scanning or rescuing from the ancient stardancer archive, or new things I'm drawing now. It's good to be back in the saddle again with the art half of my business.🧡


Gallery is continuing to develop!

First, we now have an rss feed: https://mcahogarth.org/gallery/feed

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Welcome Back, to the Stardancer Gallery

I have a gallery again.

It would be so easy to say ‘I can’t tell you what that means to me’ but part of my thing is that I do tell you what things mean to me, all the time, so I’m going to try.

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mcahogarth.org

Let me start by telling you about the original Stardancer gallery, which many of you remember and an even larger number of you weren’t around for. Because in an era before big sites like DeviantArt, when personal websites were still linked by webrings and coded by hand, I had a website that used a database to show visitors not only the latest thing I’d uploaded, but the comments left by dozens of people on that offering.

It’s so hard to explain how crazy that was. There were no Wordpress packages, no visual editors, no gallery plugins. There was no user validation by Google or Apple, no social media, no expectation of interaction or community. Everything had to be coded by hand and installed by someone who wasn’t afraid of a UNIX command line. And from 1999 until mid-2012, the Stardancer gallery served, on average, 5 pieces of art a week, with over 175,000 words of commentary from me, for thirteen years, and those pieces accrued between 5 to 40 comments from visitors. When it finally went down, there were 2906 distinct pieces of art in the database, and of those 253 had multiple versions—I uploaded them as I worked on them with commentary on each stage. Some of those pieces had 9-10+ stages where you could watch me wrestling with them (complete with titles like “OMG Ugly Stage” and “needs a background”).

For context, 175,000 words is probably about 700 tightly-packed paperback pages. That’s how much commentary I wrote. And that’s not including 1993 keywords and 60 projects I was tagging everything with.

I wanted that gallery so I could share my art with all of you. But it was also functioning as an organizational layer for me. When I was trying to remember a story, a character name, a forgotten piece of art I wanted to finish, I would search my own gallery. It was my backup brain, and my sketchbook index, and it kept me focused. It even had basic project management tools, since each of those 60 projects had a status: complete, in progress, ongoing, on hold, trunked.

The sunsetting of the original site was inevitable. You can’t run software with visions of enterprise-level functionality on a friend’s personal computer. But I was in the very unusual position of having started out with a system custom-built for my idiosyncrasies, and nothing on the market was good enough. I kept poking and not loving any of my choices. Host all my artwork on some aggregate gallery site or shoehorn it into a cookie-cutter Content Management System? No thank you. So I never replaced Stardancer, and for fourteen years, I’ve been running without that second-brain infrastructure.

And now, I have it again.

Now I can think ‘what was that thing I said about that one character in that one sketchbook?’ and search and find it. I can mutter, “Where is all the Ai-Naidari language work” and pull up the notebook. I can think ‘Didn’t I want to finish that picture of the dala fox? What sketchbook is that in?’ and I know.

I know!

And unlike the first gallery, this one can have everything in every sketchbook. Because I streamlined the parts I hate (editing, watermarking, uploading, making thumbnails, importing into the database) and left myself only the parts I enjoy (writing comments and tagging). And while some of the original Stardancer’s features aren’t online yet, like multiple versions of the same image, they’re designed and in the queue… and this version can have cool new features, like user favorites, and requests from users who love something and want me to finish it.

I’m so forgetful. I keep trying to explain to people how much of a cheesecloth my brain is with just about everything. Without rigorous documentation, lists, and notebooks, I would be completely useless. Art is one of those places I document my thoughts and keep myself pointed in the right direction. The fourteen years I didn’t have a gallery are literally gone in my brain, artistically. I have to dig up the physical books and thumb through them to remember anything about them. So I think you can imagine my relief that this is now available… not just for you to enjoy. But for my sake, to keep myself from vanishing because I am no longer observing myself.

Right now the new gallery has 2644 images across the 42 sketchbooks (and one unfinished language notebook) I’ve scanned and uploaded… of the nearly 200 I have. I’m only just getting started. I am crazy excited, I can’t even tell you.

I have a gallery again.

I have a gallery again!

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mcahogarth.org

Anyway, this is the part where I talk about how you can enjoy the gallery:

Every subscription and purchase helps keep the gallery open and supports our free users, so thank you so much for chipping in!

What can I say? Welcome home, my friends. Welcome back!

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Early Access is Now Live! Come Join Us on Ke Bakil!
Make your own Jokka clan and watch it thrive!

Good news, patrons! The beta for the JOKKA! game is now open! You, as paying patrons, now have early access!

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December 10, 2025
The Jaguar Reads an AI-Written Book

Over the weekend, I read a book that I’m 95% sure was AI-written. I’ve listened to people talk about how it’s done: you brainstorm characters and a plot with AI, prompt it for an outline, adjust the outline, prompt it to create character and setting guides… attach all that to your project, then tell it to write the first chapter. You adjust the chapter, add it to the project, then tell it to write the second, etc, until you get to the end. Then you tidy the whole thing and publish. The "rapid release" people either love this (because you can release a book in a day or two and do it again immediately) or hate it (because they can't keep up with people using this strategy with unaugmented human brains). But it's clearly a thing that's happening, and few people who do it are admitting it.

Reasons I thought this book was AI:

  • Every chapter ends with a weird wrap-up style: “Main Character had accomplished XY and Z. Tomorrow, he’d have to tackle AB and C. But for today: job well done.” And I do mean every chapter. At first I thought ‘maybe the author’s serializing this and needs to remind readers about what just happened” but when it’s doing overviews of what happens in the chapter at the end, it’s weird.

  • All the places give you a “movie set” feeling of being wooden facades. Like… ‘there’s a baker. He makes bread.’ Nothing else. Only bread is mentioned. Not even the kind of bread. There’s a weird lack of specificity to everything. The baker always has a ‘basket of bread’. Or occasionally, a basket of pastries. (No word on what kind.) Likewise, there is a blacksmith. We know he can make hammers, because the apprentice made one. But that’s it. No idea what else the blacksmith does for the town.

  • Then there’s suddenly spates of specificity. “I have these exotic spices that sound like a list generated for game inventory.” These specific things are never mentioned again.

  • The technobabble sounds like stuff Claude gives me as placeholders. “Mana structure efficiency at 45%. Suboptimal but holding.”

  • Similarly there are some odd verbal tics that repeat throughout the text, and they are suspiciously clever ones, like analogies that rely on an abstract and a concrete noun: “It tasted of cinnamon and regret.” “The tavern smelled of old ale and worry.” Even the title uses this phrasing. Authors can have verbal tics, of course, but I associate a lot of these with AI.

  • The supporting characters do the exact same things, as if they’re programmed NPCs. Celebrating an achievement? ‘We go to this exact same tavern, every time.’  Checking up on the main character? “You need food and rest.” (I can’t count the number of times this character suggested everyone have food and rest, in exactly those words. No variation.)

  • This one is hard to describe, but the characters have believable backstories that suggest depth, but these backstories do not inform how they interact with other characters. The nemesis becomes the protagonist’s friend based on a single interaction, and this backstory, while mentioned in subsequent chapters, causes no friction, for instance. It’s as if every character was created in isolation and the author can’t figure out how to make them combine.

Could this all be the work of an inexperienced author? Sure. But that tells me that we have trained AI to work off story templates that inexperienced authors also rely on. If you have decades of “write to market” advice that treat books as widgets with “story beats” and “character arcs” that can be abstracted into formulas, you shouldn’t be surprised when books start to sound alike. They already were, prior to AI, it’s just that AI makes creating them faster.

Did people like the AI-generated book? Well, it has over a hundred reviews and a 4.5 star average rating, and even on Goodreads, it's doing well, so the answer is: “Yes, it’s good enough.” Did the author confess to AI-writing it? No. Maybe he didn’t! But my guess is that he did.

Do I care about this? Not really. I didn’t enjoy reading it because it gave me the same feeling social media scrolling does, that I’ve eaten empty calorie food that’s programming my brain to repeat basic and uncreative patterns. But humans have always riffed off bad things to make better things and I can totally see someone using AI to generate a draft like this, and then completely overhauling it into something enjoyable.

I don’t write like this because I’m weird. I am constitutionally incapable of the ‘write to market’ formulaic approach (which is why I’m not on a yacht sailing to my property on the Riviera). Even my attempts at romance and litrpg novels veer off into directions that make them too odd (yes, I managed to make both these genres unprofitable). But I’m one of those capital-A artists that indies like to sneer at, and I’m happy that way. I can’t even do that right: I’m an Arteeste who doesn’t care if you’re using AI!

My audience was always going to be the weirdos who want to learn my conlangs and vanish into alien cultures so completely they leave no traces. That's you all! You're awesome.

But yeah, AI-written books. You might have already read one and not realized it. The name of this one, if you want to check it out, is below, and yes I paywalled it because I don't want to bother with drama.

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