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Meta-conversations: Amath

“What’s wrong with your eyes?” I ask.

“Do they bother you?”

“Yes,” I say, because Kor has taught me the futility of lying to any of Kherishdar’s Shames. And also, “No,” because… what else? I am an artist.

This Shame settles onto the stool facing me. I’ve known two priests of Shame now—three, if you count Kef, and I suppose I must though we aren’t well-acquainted. Tsevet, the first, was a wiry ascetic with hollows under his ribs, vibrating with passions, who frightened people with his zeal: appropriate for an empire that ‘lived more in its body,’ as his successor would later describe Kherishdar at that time in history. But Tsevet had been very little like Kor, who was short and (for an Ai-Naidari), thick, and whose mastery of others began with mastery over himself, and whose self-possession was the ultimate source of his authority, and his mystique. Kef, the third to inherit the stole, had been sinuous and athletic, with a voice that lulled people into opening themselves to the whip-crack of his commands. Like a siren, singing his seduction; or a parent singing a lullaby. He’d been passion all over again.

Amath, though, is like a ghost. Delicate. Frangible. White all over, with weirdling black eyes. His hands flutter over whatever’s near him, touching everything. It’s that, I think, that makes me recall Tsevet. That and the eyes. But unlike the first servant of Shame, it’s the vacuum of passion that makes Amath compelling. He is an empty space, waiting to be filled with confessions. To see him is to long to make him react… to do anything to make the quiet stop. He’s too uncanny for comfort.

His voice does not compel, the way Kef’s did. It’s just that hearing it is a relief, after existing in that vacuum. He is an excellent Shame. “It’s a birth defect. The muscles of my iris are stunted.”

“So you touch.”

“And listen. Mostly listen. We have better ears than you do.”

“Which you know,” I murmur.

“Because we still have congress with the aunera across the Gate?” He inclines his head. “Yes.”

“Is it only the eyes?”

“There are other things. They are minor, in comparison to what many are suffering. Many are suffering.”

“Is it that they need Correction?” I ask. “Or comfort?”

“Correction is comfort,” he says. “But no, I am not ordinarily involved in counseling the grieving and the ailing. But you should know, aunerai, that grief and sickness create disorder in society. In the smaller societies of the family, and one’s social connections, as well as in the society at large. When that disorder inspires wrong behavior, and that behavior cannot be addressed in the usual fashion…”

“Guilt,” I murmur. “Survivor’s guilt.”

“A great deal of that, yes.”

“Broken emethil,” I say. “With little chance of mending. I can’t imagine what that does to your people.”

“To say ‘broken emethil’ is to say ‘broken Ai-Naidar’. There is no difference. We are in a hard time, now. But the hard times will pass.” He cants his head, and that is a gesture he could have stolen from Tsevet. I wonder if Ai-Naidar believe in reincarnation. Or possession. “Will you regret your return to Kherishdar, scribe?”

“Yes,” I say. And, because I recognize a theme, “No.”

“Will you have to know which, before you begin that paisathi?”

I shake my head. “I am already on the road, Kherishdar’s Shame. And if I
were to cleave to one choice or the other, I would no longer be walking it. Some questions have more than one answer.”

“And if you deprive the question of any of them, it is no longer the same question?” He smiles. “They told me I would like you. I’m glad that they were right.”

Who, I wondered? Did it matter? If they were all here with me, in my heart and in my head, why would I think they wouldn’t be in him? Emethil. No wonder an entire generation was suffering. And I would have to go there, to learn… whatever it is I’m supposed to learn.

“I’m glad,” I say, “that this story isn’t yours.”

“No,” he said. “This Correction is administered by a different hand. Though I will be watching.” He smiles, the light dancing on his vast pupils. “Maybe they will one day call you Aunera’s Shame.”

“God,” I say. “I hope not.”

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October 27, 2021
Cursive Practice Video, to Relax

Or at least, I intend it to be relaxing. Hopefully it delivers.
4:22 minutes

Materials:

00:04:27
Overview of the First Oil Paint Experiment

In which I talk about the paper, the paint, and the experience of oils versus gouache. Fun stuff, will do more.

Thank you Locals supporters! Your contribution to my art war chest here is what's powering these experiments and videos. For now I'm keeping them public but I may start doing some subscriber-only videos if you all are interested.💖

00:03:35
Video Review: Oil Painting Papers

My initial review on receipt of the three oil paper products I ordered: the Canson pad, the Rembrandt block, and the Arches single sheets.

00:01:54
November 09, 2021
Alysha Misc

Thanks for your comments yesterday on the business post... all very provocative, in a good way. I'll try to respond to all of them today.

Some Alysha misc now, since I'm gearing up for the results of the Kickstarter!

Petrov is giving away coupon codes for every book in the Alysha series (and has some leftover coupons for Marda and the business book). You can pick those up here (and please do! The books are bought already, someone should use them!) https://twitter.com/PetrovNeutrino/status/1457344535843987461

Our own @JudasComplex sent along a sample of the Faith in the Service audiobook, which I've attached for your delight! I... haven't had a chance to listen to it. Don't ask me about my past week and a half or so. Putting it here will guarantee I get to it.

After hearing the amused comments during the livestream, I went ahead and added all the ship type illustrations I have inked from the 90s to the wiki. Glory in the rampant adorableness of their anthropomorphic stylings! See those ...

Alysha Misc
The Jaguar's Heart 7: We Are Not a Monolith

A little comedy today, at least in the link. Transcript follows.


Hi, all. Welcome to this episode of The Jaguar’s Heart.

A while back I was introduced to a comedy sketch about Cuban coffee by a Mexican comedian, Gabriel Iglesias. ( The sketch begins with him greeting all his fellow Latinos and then backing up to say ‘but we’re all different, aren’t we’ which is a segue into a demonstration of how different Hispanics speak Spanish.

It is hilarious. First, because I am a Spanish speaker and a linguistics hobbyist, and his portrayal of various accents resonated with my experiences in trying to make sense of them myself… Not always easy, since from culture to culture, slang and accent are often totally different (and sometimes grammar! Spaniards use a grammatical construct that has died out in many other Spanish-speaking countries, the plural “you.”)

I also loved it because the Cuban coffee part is real. I grew up with Cubans. I know how we are....

The Jaguar's Heart 7: We Are Not a Monolith
The Jaguar's Heart 6: Hatespeech

One of the most common things I hear (and say) right now is "the asymmetry is the story." Here's one about how none of us are innocent of the sins we hate in others.


Hi, all. Welcome to this week’s episode of The Jaguar’s Heart.

It’s been weeks since the Baen’s Bar incident and I’m still thinking about it... because the longer I do, the more I feel, overwhelmingly, that it’s obvious that the problem is deeper than “this forum was saying stuff that offended us.” We have to back up to the glaring fact that people on opposite sides no longer consider each other human. Nothing I say will matter because the people disagreeing with me don’t think I’m human. They have denied my humanity; they have not bothered to listen to my beliefs, or have fake-listened to them in that way that people do when they’re so ready to prove you wrong that they’re only using your speech to provide talking points for their own ideas.

We have forgotten how to listen.

Increasingly, we have also ...

The Jaguar's Heart 6: Hatespeech
October 23, 2026
Starting Serialization November 6: Coracle 2: Squire Marda!

I've picked my Friday serialization and it's the sequel to Marda Quincesinger: Postulant! Every Friday we'll return to the world of Coracle for the further adventures (and education!) of Marda at the Outremers' Abbey. This year, everyone receives their Godsib, a companion animal! What critters will choose each of Marda's friends?

I feel like we need a dose of weekly gentle and wholesome to look forward to. Mark your calendars, and if you haven't already read Book 1, give it a look here: https://studiomcah.com/products/marda-quincesinger-postulant

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October 21, 2026
Wednesday Share: Author Talk

https://mcahogarth.org/gallery/image/62-2001-072-AuthorTalk1

Today's share post is this 13-page storyboard/comic I did where I talk with Hirianthial and Lisinthir about the events of Her Instruments, and it's notable because:

1 - at the time, I hadn't finished writing Her Instruments, so I didn't know what was in the future...

2 - ...I had only a hazy idea of how I was going to get from Her Instruments to the Fire War's culminating arc, and so...

3 - it's a really interesting look back into my head while I was still developing/writing the Peltedverse, 25 years ago.

4 - Oh, and the art is actually really good.

So I went through an annotated every single page with author commentary! Plus there are previous/next buttons for easy navigation. Go check it out if this kind of meta-conversation/background stuff is at all interesting to you!

October 16, 2026
Book Launch: Blades and Seeds and Bitter Apples

https://studiomcah.com/products/blades-and-seeds-and-bitter-apples

A duel with paperclips and network cables... a paladin and assassin team... dinosaur aliens swept away by the storms... and more! After almost fifteen years, this collection of Hogarth's earliest and most eclectic fiction returns by reader request; the original four stories have been supplemented by an additional fourteen, ranging in tone from comedy to horror, and in genre from science fiction to literary fantasy. The three existing Jitesse stories are in this volume; so are the only two Tsipia-alien tales, and the single Zalitraeq piece.
An essential for the completionist, these stories illuminate the creative development of a prolific artist in her earliest years. Come meet the blade and taste the bitter apples!

It’s a real delight to hold this one in my hands because it was a reader request. As I talk about at length in the introduction, the original Blades and Bitter Apples was too short to issue as a ...

October 05, 2026
Quick State of the Jaguar!

I had a lovely birthday! And I'm looking forward to a productive October. I thought I'd catch you up, bullet-point style, on what I'm up to:

  • Tomorrow the Tea vs Coffee (and Galaxy) dragon kickstarter ends! (Last chance!) So I'll be doing coloring sheets and fulfillment for that.

  • Finalized the paperback edition of the re-issue of my fantasy short collection, which I'll have a formal launch for, probably next week.

  • It's been a month, so it's time to edit Kherishdar's Witness! I re-read it yesterday and made two pages of notes of things that need adjustment, but it's much closer to ready than I thought. Early November for that, probably.

  • I have only 31 big sketchbooks left to scan for the gallery! Which is at 9466 images. I'll easily hit that 10K I predicted, and after that it'll be time to start on the small sketchbooks and loose artwork, and continue my annotations.

  • Reminder that the new, winter seasonal gallery code is pinned here for subscribers at the $5+ level. Go collect and apply!

  • Related, I'm back to daily drawing, and am glad to have restored that practice. Thank you, discord members, for your frequent prompts/requests, which I fall back on when I can't think of anything.🧡

  • I'm gearing up to start serializing Coracle 2: Squire Marda here, probably near the end of October. More on that when I'm ready!

I see a lot of you are free subscribers; I hope you'll consider joining the paying patrons! I post weekly (usually 2-3 times a week), which is (I'm told) a lot more than most subscriptions. And it would be a big help to me with all the projects I want to conquer going forward! Including having the money to travel to at least one con a year to meet more of you in person. Even a dollar a month helps and unlocks almost all the paid content, and $5 a month gets you unlimited access to the 9000+ image stardancer gallery. Please consider buying me a cup of coffee if you're not already.

And to all my paying patrons, many of whom have been with me for decades, know that I appreciate you, as always. You are the pillars of the Jaguar tribe.🧡

More to come!

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October 02, 2026
Freebie Short: The Black Hat

To prepare for writing a Western for Raconteur Press's Wyrd West anthology, I vanished into a Louis L'amour black hole and didn't come up for air for about two weeks. I had a grand time, and the result was this short.

Why did I want to write a Western, you ask? Because I wanted to see if I could. I did, and I enjoyed every bit of it!

Also, goodness, it is my birthday! I'm going to go eat ice cream after this. XD

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September 25, 2026
Freebie Short: Hate That Guy

Today's short returns to the Le'enle for a comical urban fantasy published originally in Raconteur Press's Brim to the Dregs anthology. This was a potion-and-brew-themed call, and that made it a perfect fit for the Le'enle who have a special relationship with...

Well, just read on. XD

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