“What’s wrong with your eyes?” I ask.
“Do they bother you?”
“Yes,” I say, because Kor has taught me the futility of lying to any of Kherishdar’s Shames. And also, “No,” because… what else? I am an artist.
This Shame settles onto the stool facing me. I’ve known two priests of Shame now—three, if you count Kef, and I suppose I must though we aren’t well-acquainted. Tsevet, the first, was a wiry ascetic with hollows under his ribs, vibrating with passions, who frightened people with his zeal: appropriate for an empire that ‘lived more in its body,’ as his successor would later describe Kherishdar at that time in history. But Tsevet had been very little like Kor, who was short and (for an Ai-Naidari), thick, and whose mastery of others began with mastery over himself, and whose self-possession was the ultimate source of his authority, and his mystique. Kef, the third to inherit the stole, had been sinuous and athletic, with a voice that lulled people into opening themselves to the whip-crack of his commands. Like a siren, singing his seduction; or a parent singing a lullaby. He’d been passion all over again.
Amath, though, is like a ghost. Delicate. Frangible. White all over, with weirdling black eyes. His hands flutter over whatever’s near him, touching everything. It’s that, I think, that makes me recall Tsevet. That and the eyes. But unlike the first servant of Shame, it’s the vacuum of passion that makes Amath compelling. He is an empty space, waiting to be filled with confessions. To see him is to long to make him react… to do anything to make the quiet stop. He’s too uncanny for comfort.
His voice does not compel, the way Kef’s did. It’s just that hearing it is a relief, after existing in that vacuum. He is an excellent Shame. “It’s a birth defect. The muscles of my iris are stunted.”
“So you touch.”
“And listen. Mostly listen. We have better ears than you do.”
“Which you know,” I murmur.
“Because we still have congress with the aunera across the Gate?” He inclines his head. “Yes.”
“Is it only the eyes?”
“There are other things. They are minor, in comparison to what many are suffering. Many are suffering.”
“Is it that they need Correction?” I ask. “Or comfort?”
“Correction is comfort,” he says. “But no, I am not ordinarily involved in counseling the grieving and the ailing. But you should know, aunerai, that grief and sickness create disorder in society. In the smaller societies of the family, and one’s social connections, as well as in the society at large. When that disorder inspires wrong behavior, and that behavior cannot be addressed in the usual fashion…”
“Guilt,” I murmur. “Survivor’s guilt.”
“A great deal of that, yes.”
“Broken emethil,” I say. “With little chance of mending. I can’t imagine what that does to your people.”
“To say ‘broken emethil’ is to say ‘broken Ai-Naidar’. There is no difference. We are in a hard time, now. But the hard times will pass.” He cants his head, and that is a gesture he could have stolen from Tsevet. I wonder if Ai-Naidar believe in reincarnation. Or possession. “Will you regret your return to Kherishdar, scribe?”
“Yes,” I say. And, because I recognize a theme, “No.”
“Will you have to know which, before you begin that paisathi?”
I shake my head. “I am already on the road, Kherishdar’s Shame. And if I
were to cleave to one choice or the other, I would no longer be walking it. Some questions have more than one answer.”
“And if you deprive the question of any of them, it is no longer the same question?” He smiles. “They told me I would like you. I’m glad that they were right.”
Who, I wondered? Did it matter? If they were all here with me, in my heart and in my head, why would I think they wouldn’t be in him? Emethil. No wonder an entire generation was suffering. And I would have to go there, to learn… whatever it is I’m supposed to learn.
“I’m glad,” I say, “that this story isn’t yours.”
“No,” he said. “This Correction is administered by a different hand. Though I will be watching.” He smiles, the light dancing on his vast pupils. “Maybe they will one day call you Aunera’s Shame.”
“God,” I say. “I hope not.”
Or at least, I intend it to be relaxing. Hopefully it delivers.
4:22 minutes
Materials:
- Pen: Moonman Starry Glass dip pen, Mars: https://www.jetpens.com/Moonman-Starry-Sky-Glass-Dip-Pen-Mars/pd/31536
- Paper: Strathmore Writing Series 500, lined: https://www.jetpens.com/Strathmore-500-Series-Writing-Pad-8.5-x-11-Lined-50-Sheets/pd/15322
- Ink: Robert Oster, Rose Gilt Tynte: https://www.jetpens.com/Robert-Oster-Rose-Gilt-Tynte-Fountain-Pen-Ink-Shake-N-Shimmy-50-ml-Bottle/pd/25170
In which I talk about the paper, the paint, and the experience of oils versus gouache. Fun stuff, will do more.
Thank you Locals supporters! Your contribution to my art war chest here is what's powering these experiments and videos. For now I'm keeping them public but I may start doing some subscriber-only videos if you all are interested.💖
Thanks for your comments yesterday on the business post... all very provocative, in a good way. I'll try to respond to all of them today.
Some Alysha misc now, since I'm gearing up for the results of the Kickstarter!
Petrov is giving away coupon codes for every book in the Alysha series (and has some leftover coupons for Marda and the business book). You can pick those up here (and please do! The books are bought already, someone should use them!) https://twitter.com/PetrovNeutrino/status/1457344535843987461
Our own @JudasComplex sent along a sample of the Faith in the Service audiobook, which I've attached for your delight! I... haven't had a chance to listen to it. Don't ask me about my past week and a half or so. Putting it here will guarantee I get to it.
After hearing the amused comments during the livestream, I went ahead and added all the ship type illustrations I have inked from the 90s to the wiki. Glory in the rampant adorableness of their anthropomorphic stylings! See those ...
A little comedy today, at least in the link. Transcript follows.
Hi, all. Welcome to this episode of The Jaguar’s Heart.
A while back I was introduced to a comedy sketch about Cuban coffee by a Mexican comedian, Gabriel Iglesias. ( The sketch begins with him greeting all his fellow Latinos and then backing up to say ‘but we’re all different, aren’t we’ which is a segue into a demonstration of how different Hispanics speak Spanish.
It is hilarious. First, because I am a Spanish speaker and a linguistics hobbyist, and his portrayal of various accents resonated with my experiences in trying to make sense of them myself… Not always easy, since from culture to culture, slang and accent are often totally different (and sometimes grammar! Spaniards use a grammatical construct that has died out in many other Spanish-speaking countries, the plural “you.”)
I also loved it because the Cuban coffee part is real. I grew up with Cubans. I know how we are....
One of the most common things I hear (and say) right now is "the asymmetry is the story." Here's one about how none of us are innocent of the sins we hate in others.
Hi, all. Welcome to this week’s episode of The Jaguar’s Heart.
It’s been weeks since the Baen’s Bar incident and I’m still thinking about it... because the longer I do, the more I feel, overwhelmingly, that it’s obvious that the problem is deeper than “this forum was saying stuff that offended us.” We have to back up to the glaring fact that people on opposite sides no longer consider each other human. Nothing I say will matter because the people disagreeing with me don’t think I’m human. They have denied my humanity; they have not bothered to listen to my beliefs, or have fake-listened to them in that way that people do when they’re so ready to prove you wrong that they’re only using your speech to provide talking points for their own ideas.
We have forgotten how to listen.
Increasingly, we have also ...
I have been hacking at this for nearly two weeks! But I think I'm minimally viable (other than a few niggling CSS errors I'm chasing down). Everything's been redesigned around the quiz, and the store in particular got overhauled in a way that hopefully makes what you want to shop for easier to find. Please go wander my website and my revamped shopify store and tell me if there's anything that breaks for you (or that delights you - there are easter eggs!). The site should change colors based on the time of day, and there are random fun facts to read (and click on) and other things, too. Plus, the quiz! And such. :)
Website: https://mcahogarth.org
Quiz: https://mcahogarth.org/bookrec/
Shop: https://studiomcah.com/
Mostly, what the jaguar is up to is resting, because I managed to overuse my hands/arm/shoulder and now every time I type or sit at the computer or drawing board, I aggravate the injury. Very frustrating! But I wanted to get out this (mostly dictated) update for you!
Kherishdar 5 is about 2/3rds done, and Conversations 3 is 90% done. (Yes, imagine my frustration that I’m this close and can’t keep going!). I’m still anticipating an early summer date for those.
The gamelit novel is now available at retail, which means it’s officially out! It will finish serializing on PatreLocals and then I’ll decide what I’m serializing next. If you’ve read it and feel like dropping a review on Amazon, Goodreads, or my shop, I’d appreciate it! And the special edition will be available once I okay the new proof, which probably won’t get to me for another month or so. Sorry! Special editions take a long time to print. Here's the "Every retailer" landing page; note that AI-audio is the only ...
KICKSTARTER KICKSTARTER GO GO GO
The Jokka kickstarter launches Thursday! And runs for 12 days, so if you want any of the original art (or one of the few “get yourself drawn as one of the Jokka” slots), go sign up to be notified of launch!
ON THE HORIZON: A LOT MORE ART
Scott Adams is fond of saying that you either want something, or you decide. That if you’re in the ‘I want’ phase, you don’t actually take steps; things only start happening when you have decided they’re going to happen. And I, ariisen, have finally decided I’m sick of not scanning and archiving my sketchbooks and turning them into stuff you can enjoy, like art books and prints and wiki images! I’ve already done Sketchbooks 1-10, and I’ve made a start on the next set of ten.
My plan is to run a Kickstarter for the first art book in a month or two (so if you’re a fan of my art more than my writing, your campaign is coming!) and use that as the proof-of-concept for the process for the remaining 200 or so… see where the issues are, streamline where I can, order proofs of the art book and decide what paper I like and what kinds of covers are economically feasible. I’ve timed myself and it takes about two hours to scan one sketchbook, if I stand there and do nothing but turn pages. I don’t think I can make that part go by faster, but I might be able to do something about the post-processing phase. Let the experimentation begin!
While I’m doing that, I’ll be posting some of the scans here! These posts will be separate from Back in Time Tuesday, which is for finished artwork dug out of the closet from whatever time period I feel like sharing. This means the Patreon will be getting EVEN MORE ART.
I’m debating right now whether the art sharing will be my “serial” until I’m ready to serialize new fiction. Someone also suggested writing wiki/worldbuilding entries as serial content, which might be fun. But I’m still only wanting to do those things—I definitely haven’t decided. Until then, there definitely will be an art explosion. I’ve montaged some things up there as demonstration of what you have to look forward to!
If you are a lurker, now’s a good time to decide whether you want to subscribe to contribute to my coffee fund. I do, in fact, literally drink a cup of coffee while trapped in my laundry room, turning pages and leaning on the drier! Or if you’re a paying subscriber, consider buying me a monthly coffee if you’re currently in the ‘tossing the jaguar a buck’ club. My coffee capsules are closer to $2 after shipping. XD
We’re all overloaded and looking for moments of beauty and cheer and inspiration in our days. A lot of this older artwork is silly, or delightful, or cartoonical, and I think it might be just what we need.
Seriously, check out happy bee guy there. What even was that. Lol.😂
Anyway, I'm doing the things! Jokka! Art! Fun! Forth!
